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How To Set Boundaries In A Relationship
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How To Set Boundaries In A Relationship
Reading Time: 4 minutes

– 10 steps to healthy boundaries

It can be difficult to know how to set boundaries in a relationship. We often want to please our partner and make them happy, even if it means sacrificing our own needs. But in order to have a healthy, happy, and fulfilling relationship, it’s important that both partners feel comfortable expressing their needs and setting boundaries.

Here are 10 steps to set boundaries in a relationship-

1. Know yourself first

Before you can set any boundaries with your partner, you need to first know what your own personal boundaries are. What are you comfortable with? What makes you feel uncomfortable? What are your deal-breakers? Knowing these things about yourself will help you communicate your needs to your partner.

2. Communicate with your partner

Once you know your boundaries, it’s important to communicate them to your partner. This can be done in a variety of ways- through words, actions, or even simply by setting boundaries and not crossing them. It’s important that both partners are on the same page when it comes to boundaries, so make sure to discuss them openly.

3. Stick to your guns

It can be difficult to stick to your boundaries sometimes, especially if your partner doesn’t respect them or tries to push them. But it’s important to stay strong and stand up for what you believe in. If your partner continues to cross your boundaries, it might be time to reconsider the relationship.

4. Don’t take on other people’s problems

Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean you have to take on all of your partner’s problems as your own. It’s important to maintain your own identity and not get lost in the relationship. This can be difficult, but it’s necessary for a healthy relationship.

How To Set Boundaries In A Relationship
How To Set Boundaries In A Relationship

5. Don’t neglect yourself

It’s easy to get so wrapped up in our partner and the relationship that we forget to take care of ourselves. But it’s important to remember that you come first- make time for yourself, do things that make you happy, and don’t forget who you are outside of the relationship. If you had hobbies before the relationship, be sure to continue them. If you had aspirations to start a new hobby or routine make sure you follow that dream.

6. Be assertive

In order to set boundaries, you need to be assertive– both with yourself and with your partner. This can be difficult, but it’s important to be clear about what you want and what you don’t want. Don’t be afraid to speak up for yourself. Being assertive will also help your partner understand your boundaries better. Sometimes people can be hesitant to set boundaries because they don’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings, but it’s important to remember that boundaries are for both of your protection.

7. Respect your partner’s boundaries as well

Examples of boundaries in a relationship are not just about what you will and won’t do, but also about respecting your partner’s boundaries. This means listening to them, taking their feelings into account, and not crossing the line. This whole article is about boundaries but here we want to share the importance of listening to your partner and actually asking them what their boundaries are.

8. Don’t play games

Some people use setting boundaries as a way to control their partner or the relationship. But this is not healthy- it’s important to be honest about your feelings and needs, and to act in accordance with them. Don’t use boundaries as a way to manipulate or control your partner. Boundaries are designed to help each of you feel safe and secure within the relationship, if they are being used to control your partner they will feel it. Maybe not right away, but soon enough they will feel suffocated and unable to express themselves, once this happens the relationship will start crashing and coming to a messy end.

9. Don’t be afraid to ask for help

If you’re having trouble communicating with your partner or setting boundaries, don’t be afraid to ask for help from a therapist or counselor. They can help you learn how to better communicate with your partner and set healthy boundaries. Not only can a therapist or counselor help you, but if you have friends or family that are in a healthy long term relationship you can ask them for help also. Make sure who ever you ask for help either has the credentials to help you, or have the type of boundaries in a relationship that you would want as well. The fruits of their labor should show in the their relationship.

10. Maintenance

Like anything else, setting boundaries takes maintenance. It’s important to revisit your boundaries from time to time and make sure they still fit with what you want and need. If they don’t, it’s time to adjust them. Setting healthy boundaries is an ongoing process that takes work, but it’s worth it in the end. Once you have boundaries established it takes a lot of the guess work out of the relationship, you wouldn’t want to hurt the person you love and they don’t want to hurt you either. Through boundaries and continual maintenance of them, you will be less likely to hurt each others feelings.

-These 10 steps to set boundaries in a relationship are just a starting point. The most important thing is to be honest with yourself and your partner, and to communicate openly. If you do that, you’re well on your way to setting healthy boundaries.