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How to Tell My Partner I Cheated – 7 Things You Need to Know
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Reading Time: 5 minutes

I cheated on my partner.

That’s not an easy sentence to type, even anonymously. Nobody wants to admit they’re less than perfect; nobody wants to acknowledge that they’ve hurt someone they care about.

You might be reading this, wondering  how exactly you can tell your partner that you cheated on them. You might feel sick to your stomach, you might be wondering how this could have happened—or even if it did happen at all.

Here are five things you need to know before you tell your partner that you cheated on them:

#1 Breaking Up Isn’t The Only Option!

Some people are tempted to get out of the relationship as quickly as possible. After all, they cheated on their partner—why should they get to keep them?

However, ending the relationship might not be in your best interest. Cheating is a serious issue. It can have detrimental effects on mental health  of both you and your partner in the long-term.

Consider whether or not you want to end the relationship before making your decision. If your partner decides to give you another chance, make sure that you deserve it!

Feeling shame about cheating on your partner is a very normal feeling to have. Don’t let this shame put you in “flight” mode. Your partner may want you to “fight” for the relationship and try to reconcile the wonderful connection you have.

Read this article, Do Cheaters Ever Change? for additional insights on if you’re capable of truly changing yourself and not be a cheater in the future.

#2 It’s Okay To Take Time To Think It Over!

You might feel like rushing into a conversation with your partner. After all, if you don’t talk about it soon, they might find out some other way.

However, taking time to think over what you’re going to say is the best option. That’s because rushing into a conversation could make your partner feel like you aren’t considering their feelings (which will likely be hurt, no matter what).

You should take this time to figure out how to best help yourself and your partner recover from the situation.

This could include: talking to a relationship therapist, seeking advice from trusted friends, and making sure you’re taking responsibilities for your actions.

Think about what you can do to make things better before speaking with your partner—not after! Remember there’s no big rush to confronting this situation, but waiting for too long can be a problem. Coming clean will relieve a ton of pressure from you and will start the healing process for all parties involved.

#3 You Don’t Have To Be Perfect!

When you think about telling your partner that you cheated, the voice in the back of your head will question everything. I mean, who wants to tell their partner that they’re not perfect?

The reality is, nobody’s perfect. We all make mistakes—and cheating should never be viewed as something unforgivable.

Remember that you’re in the situation, too! Cheating is wrong; however, it’s still in the spectrum of human behavior. It’s not unheard of  and doesn’t make you an evil person (unless you don’t own up to your mistake).  

You should understand that your partner might need some time to think through everything. They might be angry with you; however, they will likely want to work things out and give you another chance!

Now may be the time to invest in your own relationship tools. “Rewriting” you relationship with your current partner is a great place to start the healing process. Watch this presentation on “relationship rewriting” to gain perspective on how this could help your path to earning back your partner. It’s never to late to educate yourself on how to properly be in a committed relationship with someone you care for.

#4 Be Careful With Your Words!

Now that we’ve got the previous point out of the way: you should still be careful with how you approach your partner. After all, there is a right and wrong way to do everything—including breaking the news that you cheated.

You should start with an honest apology . Tell your partner how you feel, what changes you want to make, and why you’re sorry for making this mistake.

After they’ve had time to think about things, come up with some ideas on how you can repair the relationship.

#5 It’s Okay To Not Be Okay!

Speaking of repairing the relationship: your partner might not be willing to work things out. You cheated on them; that doesn’t just go away after a conversation and an apology. That’s why it’s important to open up and talk about how you’re feeling.

If you’re struggling with guilt, depression , or any other issue, let your partner know . They might not have known how much this affected you until now! Sharing your feelings could help your partner understand how to best support you—and the relationship!

You might not want to tell them about everything yet. That’s okay. If you’re not ready, take some time to process everything.

Remember: this isn’t the end of the world! You can recover from this and put yourself back together. It’s okay if it takes a few months—or even years . Give your partner the time they need, as well as yourself.

Here’s an article, “What Do All Cheaters Have In Common”, can you identify some characteristics in yourself that may apply to you on this list? If yes, address these issues with a therapist and work on yourself first! Its very hard to love someone else if you don’t love yourself first.

#6 Don’t Be The Reason For Your Partner’s Depression!

It’s okay to feel sadness, guilt , and even regret after cheating on your partner. You might spend a lot of time feeling these things—especially if they broke up with you as a result of the infidelity.

However, you should not use this as an excuse to be depressed yourself. Remember, you cheated on them! This isn’t something they should have to deal with on top of everything else, so don’t let your feelings become a burden .

If the breakup led to depression , then it might be time for you to start seeking therapy or counseling . You can learn how to cope with your emotions—and even how to communicate with your partner in the future!

Again, it’s okay to feel guilty. Just make sure that you’re not using those feelings as a scapegoat for pushing yourself into depression. That’s not fair to you or your partner .

#7 Remember: It Gets Better With Time!

Yes, cheating is a painful, emotional experience. If you’re going through the process of telling your partner about it, then you might feel like everything is falling apart around you.

However, this doesn’t have to be the case! Once time passes and you start working on yourself (or on the relationship), things will get better . You will learn how to make things up to your partner, how to communicate better, and more!

Have faith. If you do the right thing after cheating on your partner, then this experience can help build a stronger relationship—one that you’ll be proud of for years to come!

Many people turn to spiritual awareness to help heal from infidelity, try this free love tarot card reading that can show you the truths about someone you can not see yourself.


After reading the 7 things to know before you telling your partner you cheated, you should feel more prepared to take on this daunting conversation head on. To reiterate, this is not the end of the world. Everyone, including you, is allowed to make mistakes. Now it’s time to do the inner healing work on yourself to first improve on your mistake and move forward with new tools to avoid cheating again. Go into the conversation as prepared as you can, then speak from the heart, and the rest will follow. A new chapter starts after you get through this very difficult conversation, you can do it.